When I think of bullies I think of the big kid yelling “O’Doyle rules!” in Billy Madison.  I think of it as something that happens in high school or middle school, but not really preschool.

 

Aren’t kids that young just worried about what they are having for snack or twirling around in circles? Yet, bullying among young children is common. When young children–who often differ in physical size, skill level, and family experience–get together, patterns of antisocial behavior can rear their ugly heads.

 

It is especially common in school settings where children are grouped together by age.  A child who has just turned 3 may not be as socially savvy as a child who is about to turn 4.  Older kids will sometimes manipulate youngest ones who look up to them.  Other children take advantage of their height and weight to make their presence felt among their physically smaller peers.

 

Children may be mean to each other by making mean faces, saying threatening things, grabbing objects, pushing others aside, or refusing to play with others. Some young children may engage in actual bullying behaviors by deliberately and repeatedly dominating a vulnerable child by name-calling, physical attacks, and excluding others from playing with them.

 

To prevent bullying from escalating, caregivers and parents can prepare effective strategies to deal with bullying incidents—before, during, and after they occur. They can also take steps to create an environment that supports respect, where bullying is not accepted or tolerated.

 

Parents and caregivers can also help children learn the prosocial skills they need to deal with bullying when it occurs. To gain and maintain friends, and avoid becoming involved in bullying, young children need to develop three types of social skills: social problem-solving skills, empathy skills, and assertiveness skills.

 

1) Social problem-solving skills:

Help children understand and deal with how they are feeling.
Encourage impulse control and self-calming. Identify a favorite activity that a child can do at home and school.
Help children practice listening.
Teach your children that people’s differences should be respected, not laughed at.

2) Empathy skills:

Encourage children to label their own feelings and tell each other how they feel about bullying.
Discuss how children who are bullied might feel.
Remind children how they felt in situations like those faced by others in distress.
Model empathy by talking about how you identify another’s distress and think of ways to help.

3) Assertiveness skills

Ask for and offer things to each other in a polite way.
Use assertiveness skills to avoid submitting to a peer’s bullying tactics or bossiness
Ignore peers who are trying to get them to do something hurtful to someone else.
Use assertiveness skills to get what they want and need.